We are in a crazy time.  I am watching TV every day and I am overwhelmed by all the hurt, all the abuse, all the misunderstanding, all the trauma, all the fighting back, all the accusations, all the finger-pointing, all the tears, and all the rage.

This past week, Kari and I spoke to Wm. Paul Young, author of the international bestseller, The Shack.  If you have not yet had a chance to listen please do yourself a favor and wrap yourself in our conversation with Paul.  Your soul will be fed and your life just might be changed.  It is called, “Living Inside the Grace of One Day.”

Paul bestowed on us many elements of living inside the grace of one day.  He discussed the harmful habit of future-casting.  He shared thoughts on being present, the metaphor of walking and the impact of childhood abuse has had on his adult life.  He even shares some tender thoughts on his post-religious beliefs about God.

One of the most tender moments he shared was about one of his great failings and the process of forgiveness and reconciliation.  You will need to go back and listen for all the details but Paul shares how he was forgiven and reconciled to his wife.  

The forgiveness took 4 days.  

The reconciliation took 11 years.

Paul defined forgiveness and reconciliation as:

“Forgiveness is one thing, that’s where you no longer allow an event or a person to continue to own your life.”

“Reconciliation is the rebuilding of trust… and that took eleven years.”

Then he said this unbelievable thing:

“Forgiveness is for the sake of the victim. 
Reconciliation, when it happens, is a miracle, and it is for the sake of the perpetrator.”

I received a phone call this week in the middle of the night.  It was from an old friend.  He needed to talk.  My friend struggles with trust, like most of us I suspect.  And he has told me many times that there are only a few people that he has been able to give his trust to after a long and hard life.

One of those people recently betrayed him.  And that betrayal cut deep.

I listen for nearly an hour and when he had spilled all his pain, he asked me what he should do.

I told him that I had just talked to Paul Young.  And though my friend is not a religious person, nor a God-follower of any ilk, he immediately recognized the name.

I said, “Paul was sharing with me about betrayal, and Paul said, “Forgiveness is for the sake of the victim.  Reconciliation is for the sake of the perpetrator.”  For your own soul-health, you need to lean into forgiveness in any way you are able.”

He responded by saying, “You just had that conversation this week?  Wow, God works in mysterious ways.”

Our world seems like it is falling apart.  There is a lot of confession that needs to happen.  We need to make room to explain to one another our pains, our wounds, our betrayals, our abuses, our ignorances, our selfishness, our blind spots, and our lies.  We need those places to be open.  

A wise person once wrote, millennia ago, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.”  

And then, we need to move toward reconciliation one to another.  But that begins with forgiveness, even if it starts with just saying the words.  Remember…

“Forgiveness is for the sake of the victim. 
Reconciliation, when it happens, is a miracle and it is for the sake of the perpetrator.”